When Harry Met Mary Sue
by Draco Malfoy etc
Summary: Cassandra Moondrop Raintear Nightingale had shining turquoise amethyst eyes... Let me introduce Mary Sue. This is a comic take on the classic HarryxMary Sue story which I'm sure we've all heard. Each chapter will include HarryxMary Sue Essentials
1. Chapter 1

AN: Anyone who has ever heard of me on this site knows that I write Draco/Ginny stories. They might also know of my vow to keep to a minimum of one story at a time. However, this story came to me one night very late when I was trying to fall asleep and thinking about this totally clichéd Harry Potter fic featuring- you guessed it- another Mary-Sue. The idea has probably been done a million times over but I don't care...

Nother Note: This is going to be a general summary of all Mary Sue/Harry stories and so don't take it seriously...whatever you do don't be like "OMG you're girl...she's so fake" because of course she's fake she's a Mary Sue

Disclaimer: I own nothing related to Harry Potter unfortunately, and the idea is anything but original.

REQUEST: Please review and tell me whether this story is worth continuing

When Harry Met Mary Sue

* * *

Chapter 1 Essentials for Harry/Mary Sue

-Introduce character with impossibly long name

-Mary Sue is almost always insanely beautiful

-State they are from Gryffindor and in the same year as Harry yet somehow (do NOT explain why) they have never been noticed by anyone.

-Have a secret crush on Harry but have never talked to him

- Suddenly have sudden utterly random encounter with the Boy-Who-Lived

-Elude to the fact that the girl is more than she seems (e.g. she's destined to save the world and still beat Hermione in every single class!)

_Optional:_

-Annoying best friend who is incredibly 1 dimensional and NEVER described...is always cheerful and brimming with wise advice at the opportune moment

-Subsequent encounters with Harry

-Random encounter with Slytherins (most likely Draco Malfoy) who act like gits...this gives Mary Sue a chance to show off her Gryffindor pluck and show up those Slytherin punks...

Cassandra Moondrop Raintear Nightingale had shining turquoise-amethyst eyes and shimmering bolts of strawberry blond hair, which cascaded down her back. She was skinny but nevertheless had a rather large bust which she fretted about constantly. To her friends she was Cass as Cassandra Moondrop Raintear Nightingale was rather a mouthful. She was going into her sixth year and was a Gryffindor, as was her best friend Claire. Oh yeah, and she had an ultra-secret crush on Harry Potter.

"So Cass," Claire said as they stood to board Hogwarts Express. "Are you going to finally work up the nerve to talk to Harry?"

Cass turned pink, "Claire," she hissed, "I thought I told you to refer to him as H or HP!"

"Refer to who as H or HP?" A voice said behind her.

Cass turned and found herself staring into the eyes of her secret love, Harry Potter.

"Oh...err...my Uncle...Horace Plumkouck," she stammered.

"Well, I just wanted to know if you needed help lifting your trunk onto the train." Harry asked, his emerald eyes hypnotizing Cass.

"Oh yeah, that'd be great," Cass said faintly.

Harry hoisted the trunk onto the Express and flashed her a dazzling smile.

"Well I gotta go," Harry said, smiling at her again.

"See you," she said, slightly dazed.

He grinned once more and sidled off to join his best friends Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley.

"OMG!" she and Claire squealed at the same time.

The rest of the train ride Claire spent reviewing the conversation and discussing the meanings behind it.

Cass tried to listen to her but kept seeing again the face of Harry Potter smiling at _her_!

"Hello! Earth to Cass? Are you there?"

She became aware that Claire was waving a hand in front of her face. With a flush, Cass removed herself from her daydreams and returned to reality.

"Oh you're back," Claire grinned, "I just want you to know we're almost to Hogwarts!"

The train stopped and Cass and Claire hopped off. Cass craned her neck searching for Harry but didn't spot him.

She regretfully got into a carriage with Claire, she'd been hoping to spot the Boy-Who-Lived, but he'd probably already found a carriage. He was probably joking and laughing with Hermione, Ron and Ron's little sister, Ginny. The littlest Weasley was probably even making moves on him, and he didn't even realize it!

Jealousy churned in her stomach, it was stupid, but just the thought of someone flirting with Harry bothered her. There was no reason why this should be so, after all, in fairness, Ginny had just as much, if not more, claim over the boy then she did. Hadn't he saved her in second year?

She was jerked from her musings when a pale blond boy entered the carriage.

"Everywhere else is full," he said haughtily, by way of explanation.

Cass knew who the boy was; it was none other than Draco Malfoy, the Slytherin git Harry hated so much!

"I noticed you talking to Harry," the boy said, his gaze intense. Cass lowered her own turquoise-amethyst eyes, unable to meet his fierce stare.

"You know he doesn't like you," Malfoy said sneering. "He doesn't even know who you are. I passed his carriage, he was flirting with Ginny Weasley and Granger- it was disgusting!"

"Why don't you mind your own business?" Cass snapped, her eyes blazing.

Malfoy looked her up and down and said, smirking, "You're just one of those girls aren't you?"

"One of which girls?" Cass asked, curious in spite of herself.

"One of those girls who falls for the Hero boy, hoping someday he'll notice you and sweep you off your feet."

"You don't know anything about me," Cass cried, her turquoise-amethyst eyes flashing.

"Don't be too sure, Cassandra, I know more about you then you think."

* * *

Review if you think it should continue. Tell me if it's funny or not. This is my first ever attempt at humour and it's not as easy as I would have thought. 


	2. The Gang's All Here

AN: Thank you for the review!

Disclaimer: Own nothing...

Hermione will act OOC because she often is in Mary Sue fics

The Gang's All Here

* * *

_Chapter Two Harry Potter / Mary Sue Essentials:_

-Meet Harry again through "coincidence"

-Introductions

-Hermione upset at Mary Sue

-Mary Sue soon initiated into the Trio seemingly without effort

-Has "Embarrassing" scene with Harry in which she worries that he might think she is a huge dork...

-Above worries turn out to be groundless, as he is delighted/captivated by her unique personality.

_Optional (But highly recommended)_

-Mary Sue's best friend has crush on Ron

-Hermione has crush on Harry

-Hermione is a brat

-Draco falls for Mary Sue, leading to more "hilarious fun"

"Oh no," Cass groaned, looking down at her schedule, "I've got Double potions, then Defense Against the Dark Arts, then Transfiguration, what a horrible morning!"

"Well, Cass, that's what you get for being naturally brilliant."

"Are you in any of my classes?" Cass asked.

"Nope," Claire said, running a finger down her schedule.

"This is awful," Cass sighed.

"Well have fun in your classes and tell me all about it at lunch," Claire said.

"If I survive," Cass said grimly.

* * *

"Watch it," a voice snapped, startling Cass from her thoughts.

She looked up to see steel gray eyes and pale flaxen hair.

"Oh Cassandra- or is it Cass?" The boy smirked, "Still a Potter groupie?"

"Malfoy I failed to catch the part where it was any of your business," was Cass' snappy reply.

"She's touchy on the subject, so the answer to my query is a definite 'Yes'," Draco sneered. "You're pathetic, you know that? Wasting away, waiting for that Potter to notice you- he's too caught up in that Weasley girl and that Mudblood Granger, no, I'm afraid there's just no room for little Ms. Nightingale." He leered, "Poor Harry, he doesn't know what he's missing."

"Get away from me, Malfoy," she cried, pushing him aside.

"You can try to run from the truth, but you won't be able to," the boy cried after her.

She arrived in potions, all too aware that her heart was pounding rather inappropriately and her cheeks were hot with shame. It didn't make any sense, if anyone should be ashamed it should be Malfoy. He obviously wasn't, it was clear when he came into the room, smirking broadly.

She moved to take a seat, but Snape snapped, "Don't sit, I'm arranging the seating this year."

She stood in the back of the room with everyone else and examined her classmates with interest. The NEWTs Potions class was rather small, about a dozen or so 6th years in all. She noted the presence of Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley, and her pulse raced here- Harry Potter. Maybe Double Potions wouldn't be so bad.

She waited impatiently for Snape to give her a seat. Finally after what seemed like ages she heard her name called. "Cassandra Nightingale," Snape paused, searching for her seatmate as Cass prayed, 'Harry, not Malfoy, please Harry, not Malfoy!'

"Harry Potter," Snape finally said.

Cass' cheeks flushed madly as she realized that she had gotten her wish- Harry Potter as a potions partner! She floated to the table in a delirious dream. Harry greeted her with a beautiful smile.

"Well, what are the odds – you're the girl from the train!"

_He remembers! _"Yeah," Cass said, blushing once more, "I'm Cassandra but you can call me Cass."

"Cass," Harry said, "Well I'm..."

"You're Harry Potter," Cass blurted out, then clapped a hand to her mouth, mortified.

He laughed, "Well I see you know who I am."

"Sorry, I mean I don't stalk you or anything, you're just- Harry Potter," Cass said, trying to explain herself but feeling more and more stupid. She flushed violently.

A cruel laugh issued from behind them, "Well Potter, it looks like you've got yourself another fan girl!"

Harry glared at Draco Malfoy while Cass went even redder.

"Leave her alone, Malfoy," Harry growled.

"Oh, but Harry, isn't that your job?" Draco asked.

Harry blinked in confusion, turning back to Cass and saying, "Don't mind Malfoy, he can't help being a git!"

She laughed it was too true.

"Potter, Nightingale, will you kindly sit down!" Snape said scathingly.

Cass meekly took a seat beside _Harry Potter._

As Snape launched into what promised to be a long, boring speech, Cass couldn't help sneaking a look at Harry. She serendipitously turned her head and found him looking at her. He quickly turned his head, as did she. Both blushing.

During potions class she found excuses to look Harry's way, and more than not, he was looking her way. She also noticed something odd, both Hermione and Malfoy were glaring at her.

When potions ended, she gathered her books and found Harry staring at her once more. "Well I'm off to Defense Against the Dark Arts," she said, staring into his enchanting green eyes.

"Really?" He said, "Me too, we can walk together- that is if you want to," he added quickly.

"Yeah, I'd like that," she said flushing.

"Great," he said, smiling.

"Hey Harry, wait up!" a voice called.

Harry turned to grin at a bushy-haired girl. "'Mione!" He exclaimed happily.

"Who's this?" she said with a frown.

"This is Cass, she sits with me in potions," Harry explained. He turned to Cass saying, "This is my best friend, Hermione Granger!"

Behind his back, Hermione scowled at the pretty strawberry blond.

"Hey Harry, who's this girl?"

"Ron, meet Cass," Harry said, "This is my best friend Ron Weasley."

"Nice to meet you," Ron said, gawking at her.

"Come on," Hermione snapped, "We can't be late to Defense against the Dark Arts."

"Speak for yourself, Hermione," Ron mumbled.

Cass had a feeling she was going to like Ron.

"Harry, I need to talk to you," Hermione said in a bossy voice.

Harry shot Cass an apologetic look, and followed her. Ron hesitated, glanced at her once more, and then followed them.

Cass started off to Defense against the Dark Arts, feeling quite alone and a little depressed.

"Where's your boyfriend?" A familiar voice drawled.

She sighed; Draco Malfoy had once more decided to ruin her life. "He's not my boyfriend, and he's gone to talk to Hermione Granger."

"I know what you are," the blond boy said, caressing her blond locks. "I know all about you...I know why boys can't get you out of their heads, why you are the best in our class at Defense Against the Dark Arts, why you are the most powerful witch in this school. Oh, I can just imagine how Harry would look if he found out. The disgust, the hatred...it would be beautiful to witness." Malfoy cupped her face, drawing her close to him. His steel gray eyes peered deep into her turquoise-amethyst ones.

Cass' heart beat faster, "You wouldn't," she breathed.

Malfoy smirked, "Wouldn't I?"

"I...I don't believe you, you don't have anything against me!" She said, trying to sound braver than she felt.

"Are you willing to bet that?" Draco practically purred.

"Get off of me!" she cried, wrenching herself from his grip.

As she stalked off, only one question echoed in her head...

_'How?'_


End file.
